She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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