I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
