I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
