I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
