i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
