I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
