he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We had to coat check the pizza.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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