Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.