that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!