Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
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He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
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Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.