i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail