so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
ra ra ra ah ah
sexting lady gaga style
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I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
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his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.