I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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