she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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