Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
