First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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