apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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