i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
