I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
