ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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