absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
