he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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