I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
