Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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