this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
