Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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