using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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