he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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