Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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