when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Randomize
