We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
