he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
