you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
