I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
