Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
