Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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