sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
