Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
