Im at strip club and am horny
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
