she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
