4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
