dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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