We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
