She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
