It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
