Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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