yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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