I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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