Your tits are I can't wait for
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
