Umm I'm too high to move.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
