everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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