I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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