So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
