That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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