So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
