Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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