well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I want to fling myself into the sun
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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