my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
