she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
