How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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