1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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