I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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